My 2020 Lowlights

Do you remember New Year's? I was waiting for the clock to hit 12:00 am. I planned my new year resolutions, prayed to have a long, healthy year, and hoped for the best, as usual, every year. I think we can all agree 2020 has been extremely wild for us all. To say the least, LOCKDOWN has been tiring. School went online, extracurriculars stopped, and all events that were important to us canceled.

Don't get me wrong, but many great things have happened. I spent more time with my family, I learned to value my friends, my school, teachers, etc.

While we were all forced to stare at screens and remain productive in times like these, I admit, I struggled. I mean it.

I have a lot of failures to share, but failures are always good:)

I Dropped a class

Yes, you read that correctly. I dropped my calculus class at LACC. Would this be the case if the course was offered at my own high school? Of course not! While part of the reason that I have decided to withdraw from this course is that it was challenging, it was never my direct reason. I love challenging courses! I would love to continue challenging myself, especially in a math class! But as you all know, COVID-19 had affected us in ways we couldn't have imagined. You would expect to have less work during quarantine, but that is definitely not the case. I began working in order to earn cash money. I spend about 10-15 hours at a nearby market. In addition, to my household responsibilities at a single-parent household, I enrolled in three college courses, one as you know by the title, that I no longer take. Sometimes in life, you have to learn how to sacrifice and prioritize things. So why didn't I drop out of my other two classes? Those are ASYNCHRONOUS and are both fundamentals of physics which is important for someone who wants to major in engineering like me:) So there goes my failure! I consider this as a good failure and I do not regret my decision to withdraw from a course that I can retake. I learned to prioritize my time and repsosnibitlies in this way.

Facing distanced relationships

It's more important now than ever to keep in contact with your friends and your loved ones. While I have been trying to do so, I do feel pretty distanced from some of my peers that I used to get along with. Whether it's the "staying away from social media" thing for me, or not doing the check-ins I used to do, I just feel like I've lost some close relationships. And it's okay! I will try my best to gain back the relationships I've lost, but this is also part of life. Not saying that you should move on, but it's okay to have new relationships while losing some:)

This has honestly been difficult for me to handle. I am not an emotional person, but sometimes I feel guilty. Random thoughts pop up in my head that makes me miss those relationships more. There is always a way around this, but getting sentimental at times is completely normal.

Internal Debates

I don't know why, but I've been feeling extra guilty and regretful this year. Sometimes, I wish I could change some of my past actions whether it was an academic or non-academic related situation. These flashbacks keep popping up left and right, and sometimes I can't help but to regret some of my past actions. I admit I am still holding on to certain regrets, but I know that I should just live in the present and not in the past. The only way to move is to move forward...unless I create a time machine one day. At unprecedented times like 2020, it's easy to self-doubt a lot. I am one clear example. Making decisions, especially as a 17-year-old has not been easy. But it's all good and chill now. I'm now practicing lots of self-care by saying positive affirmations with my high school counselor, and leaving time for myself without worrying about anything! I encourage you to do the same!

Main Takeaways

1. Dropping my class was never a failure. It was a decision I reluctantly made because I am prioritizing my time for my family and the right things.

2. Relationships do not have to be perfect. No one is a perfect friend, but you can always improve to be a better one. It's okay if some relationships have been lost because you can always create them again.

3. During 2020, self-care is important. Use your surroundings, your friends, teachers to talk to and lean on if needed (don't forget about me...I'm always open to having talks with you guys ) Also, feel free to rant in a notebook if needed:)